Have you ever come to the point..

where you look around you, and you're just like... GOD. why am I here? well. i do. haha. i know i seem incredibly selfish at this holiday season when everyone is going through alot more than I am.

but, everything that i do. everything that i walk through in my life . it just seems so dry . i'm having the hardest time in the world adjusting to this new lifestyle, and it's just.. hard. i just keep asking God, why here? why did you send my family to a town smaller than my old dinky town, full of people that dress up and flaunt their money around , while i run around in converses, my hair up and am completely moneyless. i'm just.. ugh.


but. He knows all. and he is so just. smart. that seems like such a dull word to describe him as, but it's just the word that came to mind. because he just.. knows. all. he says, Christina. you're not here for you. you're here to serve.

i walk around, and i see so many hurting people. and i have no idea about going and fixing things, but I am willing to slowly get past my pride, and stick my head out a little bit.

someone once told me that you have to fall to your lowest point to where you're absolutely rock bottom, and you can't get and worse to be able to reach for help and pick yourself up. well i don't think my life has come to the absolute miserable, i'm very blessed. but i do think that my relationship with God has become so incredibly dry, and i've slid back pretty far from where I was so far, that it's now time to get a reality grip on life, and just trust him. my mom also said to me today that when i was in my old town, with all my friends, that it was always easy because i didn't have to lean on God, i could lean on my friends, my family, and pretty much anyone possible, or even material things. but now, our family is here, i have like one friend, and let's just say her gift isn't lifting people up. so now i am pretty much forced to lean on God or just.. . be lonely or miserable. which, has been my life the past 5 or 6 months. living in self pity, waiting to go visit friends, and hoping that my life will get better, although i'm doing nothing to fix it. haha.


i'm such a silly girl!

and i'm reallly glad no one is going to read this. because i'm selfish. foolish. and i'm going to get my life right. so now i'm going to go sleep off this horrible headache that i've had for the past week, and chill with my main man Jesus.


have a wonderful night, world.


may ever broken heart be filled with his joy.

♥